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A Variation on A Woman’s Diary and Sexual Desire Mismatch

17 June, 2012

Warning: This blog contains content of a sexual nature. The first entries Woman’s and Man’s Diary has been borrowed (I don’t know where it originated so apologies to the original author) and modified (to give it a local Queensland flavour).

Woman’s Diary

Thursday, 14th June, 2012

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I’d been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn’t seem himself – he hardly laughed and didn’t seem to be paying attention to me or to what I was saying.

I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in. He hesitated but followed.

I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him I loved him deeply.

He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

He didn’t follow me up immediately but came up later and to my surprise, we made love – but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

I cried myself to sleep – I think he’s planning to leave me – maybe he’s found someone else.

________________________________

Man’s Diary

June 16th, 2012

Queensland lost the second State of Origin to NSW.

Gutted.

Got a root though.

I always get a laugh when I read this joke. But it also rings true into understanding the differences between the way women and men think about things. They’ve written a book about it of course…Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. Even the other night Bob and I were watching a documentary on Lake Eyre…on some birds that fly from the Northern Hemisphere at a certain time each year to mate …I’m thinking ‘Oooohhhh isn’t that amazing how wonderful nature is – those birds flying thousands and thousands of kilometers to Lake Eyre to do that. Bob at exactly the same time said ‘How stupid is that’………

There’s no disputing it men and women think differently. And this can also be seen in the way men and women can think about sex. Even when there is no pain with intercourse, there can be quite a mismatch between the libido of men vs women. This is nicely illustrated in the highly technical brain map below. When I see patients who are suffering with dyspareunia (painful intercourse), I often see their partners as well. I find it incredibly useful for them to come together (if the patient is wanting that) so the male partner can hear my education about our new understanding of chronic or persistent pain…..that the brain decides whether there is going to be pain or not – that it is not always only due to ongoing damaged tissues. When talking to women, they often…nearly always ….have very poor libido mostly due to the association that sex has with pain. They often agree that they have started to back away from any physicality – cuddling, kissing, touching – because this may in turn lead to arousal for the man and more pressure and guilt for the woman. This leaves many women isolated when dealing with other life stresses that can also impact on their persistent pelvic pain condition – such as work pressures, friendship issues or the myriad of other causes of life stress.

So when looking at the treatment of pelvic pain one of the first strategies is to get couples back to physical communication in and out of bed, without the pressure of ultimately there having to be penetrative sex. Once that pressure is removed, then the girls are often much more open to engaging in other treatment strategies to improving their persistent pelvic pain.

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4 Comments
  1. Reblogged this on Good Health.

  2. Thanks for the Re-Blog. Appreciate it.
    Sue

  3. Gerry McCann permalink

    Loved the opening story, I could fully empathise………………..Gerry [male and Qld supporter]

  4. Ha! Where is Locky when you need him!

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